Tuesday, October 10, 2017

How To Handle The Guilt

Friends, our Chucky is breathing hard.  He's on all the blood-thinners, blood pressure reducing, diuretics, and anti-anxiety meds that the veterinarian prescribed, but his heart is slowly failing.

The Hubby and I were once in agreement that we should NOT seek additional vet visits, in the interest of lessening Chucky's stress.  This decision does NOT lessen our stress, or my guilt at having planned (and paid for!) an upcoming long weekend in the Upper Peninsula with friends.

How can I leave my boy when these may be some of his last days?  Or, am I in serious freak-out mode, and needlessly picking at the need to get him to the vet to see if there is more, more, MORE we can do?

Chucky, as I left for the office
I could email the vet's office, and see if she can recommend anything without seeing Chuck.  When we last visited, she wanted to schedule a new echocardiogram.  Within a month of that appointment, Chuck went downhill for a couple of days, and I cancelled in the belief that another vet visit would surely be too stressful.  Then, when The Hubby upped one diuretic pill by a little bit, Chuck turned around and was energetic and herding woolies.

Guess I'm just venting here; there is no completely right or wrong answers.  In a way, my departure for a few days reduces stress, because I'm a huge sack of worry and pain!  Perhaps this short trip will give me the fortitude to relax, and focus on filling Chuck's days with love and peace, not my jagged energy of regret.

P.S. Once I hit 'publish' on this post, I immediately emailed the veterinarian's office for advice.  Guess it couldn't hurt, right?  And trust me, The Hubby is A-OK with me going away; he encourages me to enjoy the things that I love, plus he doesn't travel.  Won't travel, is more like it.  I work a full-time job, while he's retired.  I've earned some down time, and yet...

Thanks for reading.  My cat friends in the blogosphere seem to speak to my heart when we all share the stories of our lives with cats.

43 comments:

  1. Omc, this made our mom weep. She knows what you're going through and how hard this is. Guilt is a b*tch, no doubt about it, and the really sad part of that is you'll feel it no matter what. Chuck will not be alone in any event, and believe us, he knows how much you love him. We love both of you, too. Please take care.

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  2. It sounds as if Hubby will be at home with Chucky while you are away. If that is the case, Mom says go and have fun. You will be leaving him in good hands. We kitties do things on our own timeline, so you cannot predict what will happen. Mom and Dad had decided to have one of our kitties with cancer put to sleep before going on a three-week vacation. When the time came, it was obvious that he was not ready to both the vet and to us. Lucky for us, our vet was also our kitty caregiver when we were away, and we knew she would do the right thing while we were gone if necessary. MacKenzie was there to greet them when they returned home and passed quietly five hours later. All this to say, if he is getting close, he'll wait until you get home. Sending lots of purrs, prayers and POTP to Chucky. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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  3. This is tough, but truly, there are no wrong choices here for you. Chucky won't be alone, and I know full well the stress endured from caring for a sick love one. You need time to unwind, if you can get it.

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    1. I may be overreacting, but leaving for a few days feels like I'll be really, really far away. Thanks.

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  4. we certainly understand and are sending all the purrs. there is no "right" answer...you can't stop time and you can't stop living. Chuck will be home with people he knows and that is the best you can do.

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    1. Yes, Chuck will be in good hands. Thanks for commenting.

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  5. That really is a hard thing to go through. But we agree with everyone, that as long as someone will be there with Chucky, then I think you should go away for a couple of days. Have a good trip.

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  6. Oh no Chuckie we didn't realize you had heart problems. We are so very sorry and for sure you don't need any stress. We say YES your mom should take her trip to UP and thank goodness your Dad will be there with you. Hugs and kitty kisses mom and Madi

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    1. Oh, you know to call it the 'UP' huh? Thanks for the support!

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  7. Tough choices. Heart-rending choices. Choices that aren't cut and dry or have any definite right or wrong. In the end, we find ourselves being acutely aware of our powerlessness and lack of control. We can't fix or find adequate comfort for our furbabies that we love more than anything in the world. Let your love guide you - as much as you might later question your decisions - you'll know in your heart that you did the right thing for Chucky. We're sending love and prayers your way. I wish I had more to offer.

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  8. Well, I have to say I agree with the others too. Chucky will be in good paws while you are gone. Explain to Chucky that you will be away, trust me, he will understand.

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    1. I know I'm overreacting, so it's good to get this support...thanks!

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  9. V;

    I'm sorry; this is one of those situations where damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    The fact your husband knows and understands Chuck's medical issues and history is a PLUS.
    He will see to it that Chuck gets the help he needs should the "need" arise.

    Not trying to be a grim reaper but I leave the house everyday and anything could happen with, or to, tuna.

    frankly I think Chuck would stress MORE; picking up on the stress from you.....not trying to be hurtful, just truthful.

    big time blessings from st francis to him

    ♥♥♥

    L

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    1. Oh yes, I KNOW I am stressful to be around for Chuck! I watch him like a hawk. He could use a few days without me, but it's a hard thing anyhow. I really appreciate your support!

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  10. I'm sorry to hear Chucky is not doing well. I can so relate. I have cancelled trips because my own cats have been unwell. But unlike you, I don't have anyone here that will take proper care of them. I can't trust that my husband will because he is not retired and works long hours. Given that your husband is there to take good care of him, if I was you, I would probably go. And worry, of course. :) But I would expect lots of text messages or phone calls letting you know what was going on. Hopefully, you'll hear from your vet too.

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    1. Yes, I am fortunate to have The Hubby in residence! Thank you for your empathy.

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  11. I'm so sorry. I went through CHF with Angel Tara so I completely understand what you're going through and if I can help you in any way, please reach out. If it helps in any way, when Tara's time came, she just went to sleep. It was actually the most peaceful passing I've experienced with any of my cats. I pray it's the same for Chuck...but that you still have much more time together.

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    1. I am so sorry that you lost Angel Tara, and thanks for reaching out to me.

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  12. I am so sorry that Chucky is failing so fast. I do wonder if increasing the diuretic again would help. I know Snowball was on such a low dose from our regular vet and when I went to the specialist, she gave a much higher dose, but sadly it was already too late. I think you deserve a getaway, but I know if I were in your position, I would not go unless he improves after the vet visit. I am praying for you and Chuck. XO

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    1. Thankfully, the vet responded to my email (and didn't chastise me for 'no office visit' and recommended that we up his Lasix, which we will. Thank you!

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  13. Oh No, we are so sorry to hear 'bout Chucky. We totally unnerstand da quesionin' and what ifs. We're glad you can get away. Maybe it's what you need. As you know, mommy goes nowhere without us, so she doesn't know what a respite might do fur your outlook. But, sometimes, you need to be able to see a situation with furesh eyes. Maybe this will give it to you. Your hubby is a pawsum man, don't let him go. We'll be sendin' extra hugs and purrayers your way.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  14. I"m so sorry to hear about Chucky and we're praying for him. We're sending you all lots of love and purrs.

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  15. I have no one else to care for my cats, and there were times when I hesitated even to run an errand after work, so I can't give you advice. Just prayers for peace for you and Chucky and your husband.

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    1. It's really hard when there is only one; I am fortunate to have The Hubby.

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  16. I know how hard this must be for you, it was very hard to leave Socks during his last days, but Chucky will have your husband to care for him and will be comfortable at home, while you recharge your batteries. Cats are so loving and they give so much to us, I am sure that Chucky wants you to have some time to relax and enjoy yourself.

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  17. We are sending healing purrs and light to Chucky.

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  18. I'm sorry Chuck is so unwell. Whether you stay or go, I hope you get to enjoy every second with Chuck. Sending warm thoughts xo

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  19. Oh gosh, this is a tough situation. I'm so sorry that Chucky isn't feeling well. But it sounds like the hubby will be home taking good care of him while you're away. I'm sending lots of hugs and purrs your way!

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  20. I am so sorry I am just learning about this now..... I mentioned on your post today that none of the blogs I subscribe to (that use Feedburner for email subscriptions) are coming to my inbox. I totally understand the guilt you are feeling..but, there is nothing more you could do if you were there.....and....it is wonderful you will have your husband there. I am praying with all of my might that Chuckie will continue to improve. xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

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  21. It is always so difficult to know what's right when it comes to a sick feline friend! Such a tough situation - we are putting out positive vibes for Chuck!Amarula sends him a big kiss!

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  22. Oh Chucky... this is so hard. We're keeping our fingers crossed there are many more good days ahead of him. Purrs for you Vicky.

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  23. We're so sorry to hear about Chucky. What a tough choice ! It's great that your husband can take care of him while you take deserved time for yourself. Purrs

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  24. Sorry I'm late in commenting--getting up to speed on the blogs again. I know you'll do what's best for him. Sending hugs.

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  25. Sending you retroactive purrs. I know how hard this is.

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